It has been so long since I have posted that I don't quite know where to start. Here is the short version and I'll get into details for people that like that sort of thing below:
Garage sale was great and raised almost $1000! Thank you to everyone who donated, shopped and helped!
Our trip to Baltimore was good though overwhelming. Got some details on recovery and feel very confident in the surgeon.
Surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday the 28th, we leave Saturday, so that we can be there for surgery prep.
My mom is taking care of the kids during surgery, though due to a torn rotator cuff that she has to have surgery to correct she needs lots of help, and will have to go back to Jacksonville right after we get back from Baltimore.
We should be back from Baltimore somewhere around December 7th-9th.
My brother Paul is planning on doing an auction to raise some more funds to pay for the surgery which will be $60,000+ (We are still not sure of what our insurance will be paying, but probably somewhere around half). You can check out what he is doing here.
My friend Kat is doing a yoga class with the proceeds going to help us out. She is a great teacher and everyone should check it out! Details from Kat: "The Granata Family Fundraiser Yoga Class--- Thursday, November 29th at 4:00-5:00pm Kat Parker will be teaching beginner's yoga class at the Yoga Nest. All proceeds will go to help out with Hannah Granata's surgical expenses. Come get your yoga on!!!!" Address: 3124. Classen Bvd. Suite B., Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Find out more on Facebook
The LONG version...
It's so good to finally get all that written out and posted. Ahhhh. Now for the details for those that like that sort of thing. This has been a whirlwind few weeks. Eric, Hazel and I went to Baltimore a couple of weeks ago to meet with my surgeon. It was fun getting out and traveling with my guy and my youngest. It was a really short trip but I hated to leave her knowing how much more I was going to be gone in the coming weeks. Hazel did great and it was fun spending time with just her. It reminded me of when it was just Eric, Isabel and me. Eric on the other hand seemed to forget what traveling with a two year old was like and wasn't happy about her dinner time behavior, or her yelling "FART" as loud as she could and throwing things on the last flight home. It was amusing and to her credit she had been traveling since 6 am and it was well past nap time at that point. Considering, I thought she was being an angel.
We arrived in Baltimore, which is a surprisingly beautiful city, and had time to go eat before crashing. We ended up at a restaurant that had a shuttle from our hotel. I honestly didn't expect too much, since there was a shuttle from local hotels, even though they claimed the best crab cakes in Baltimore. We were not disappointed at all! The crab cakes were amazing, tons of delicious chunk crab meat, seasoned perfectly. It was a nice meal, just the three of us. We later found out it was probably the same restaurant that Eric had gone to with his family 25+ years ago, when they were on "People are Talking" with Oprah. There's video on YouTube somewhere (Search Granata Quints).
The next day we had our appointment at Johns Hopkins. It is like a city within a city, and definitely instills confidence with its excellence and general largeness. An old friend now living in DC picked us up and watched Hazel during the appointment. Thank you so much Nikki! The neurosurgeon is obviously brilliant, though not particularly personable. He assured me that he felt he could do the surgery with out causing too much damage. I asked where the line between acceptable damage and too much damage is and it all comes down to deficits. Getting as much of the tumor out, while causing as little deficits in my abilities as possible. I think the bottom line is his experience and judgement once he is operating. He thinks he can relieve the pain that I am in constantly and possibly the tightness in the right leg, but that I will likely be numb from my waist down, indefinitely. Those words have terrified me over this past week. I understand that it is not a functional numbness, but a sensation issue. Probably very similar to the numbness I already experience in my right leg, just everywhere. It can cause issues walking, just because you can't always tell where your legs are, much like if they have fallen asleep.
I asked the doctor if he thought we would need to do radiation after surgery. He said no, that radiation doesn't typically work for these types of tumors anyway. He did say radiation would be used if it was found to be cancerous but that it wouldn't help. Eric was shaken by his comment about radiation not working. The doctor seems pretty confident it isn't, though we won't know for sure until 5 days or so after surgery. I can't wait for that day. Overall, he assured us that it was no big deal to him. It wasn't going to keep him up the night before, or be a big surgery he discusses with his wife. This is his work and he does these things on a very regular basis. (He does more surgeries like this in a month than the first neurosurgeon we saw does in around four years!) Those words are a comfort, but to me it is a very big deal, and I have lost sleep over it many nights.
I left Baltimore, with no more peace about going through with it than when we arrived. The threat of numbness haunted me. We arrived home, picked up our children from the various places they had been housed while we where away and headed home. The next day my mom arrived and Eric and I left again. This time it was for a work trip that we had planned long before we knew anything about tumors or surgeries. Eric was attending a conference with his work, ROBYN Promotions, in Naples, Florida, and they had offered to bring me along, and even let us stay a few extra days. It was an opportunity I didn't want to pass up even though we are dealing with so much right now. I wanted those days away, to pray, think, sit, read, and dip my toes in the ocean. I know, in a limited sense, that the next few months will be very difficult and having that time with just Eric and me and the time by myself was so precious.
They put us up at the Ritz Carlton in Naples. I can't even describe how amazing it was. The service, the room, the food, the scenery, everything was luxurious and relaxing (and paid for :)). Eric and I had fun, and it took my mind off my current predicament. When Eric was occupied with the conference I had time to myself. I almost never have time alone, with four lovely children and a husband, and that is a beautiful thing. It was so good to be alone. I was able to walk along the beach, think and pray with out interruption. Though I probably looked like a crazy person, walking back and forth along the beach talking to myself. Oh well, totally worth it.
After Eric finished up his conference we had the opportunity to go to the Everglades National Park and take an airboat ride though the mangroves and grasslands. I had a goofy smile the whole time and loved every second of it. Afterwards, Eric and I stopped at a boardwalk on the way back to the hotel, but still in the everglades. It was just as amazing as the airboat ride, though completely different. We were the only ones there, it was dusk, and it was wild, in the most natural sense of that word. We saw an alligator that came within a few feet of Eric then walked along this wooden path through swampland about a mile in. We saw a bald eagle, heard owls, other birds, etc. It was so beautiful and a little scary, and a highlight of our trip.
We got home late Wednesday night, to a quiet house. Everyone was asleep except my mom and Isabel. I had half expected her to try to wait up and was happy to see her. After showing them pictures of our adventures, we crawled up to bed, completely exhausted. I went into the bedrooms of each of my sweet sleeping children to give them kisses, though I accidentally woke Hazel. I was happy to hold her for a few minutes, and get all those kisses I missed while away. She is a good sleeper and went back down easily.
The next day we drove my mom to the airport. She told me that morning that she would be back for the surgery to take care of my babies, but would leave with a day or two of our return from Baltimore. She has torn her rotator cuff and feels like it is getting worse. If I were not having surgery this week, my mom would be. She has put it off until she gets back to Florida, but if she continues to tear it, it becomes a much more serious surgery where they have to do grafts to repair the damage. I totally understand, and ideally I would be going there to help take care of her after her surgery, but my heart sank. I thought I would have my mom around for a few weeks, while going through the initial phases of recovery. Even if she can't do that much to help, there is just something about having your mom by you that is comforting. When she told me it took everything in me not to cry in front of her. I knew she already felt bad about it, and she would be there for me if there was any way she could, and I certainly didn't want to burden her further. I have struggled with that over the past few days, and felt very overwhelmed with it all. Fear took hold of me again. What was I going to do? How would we get by? Who would take care of the kids or drive me to therapy, and what if I have to come home only to have inpatient therapy? I think I cried to every friend who would listen over the next two days, not to mention the moping.
Yesterday afternoon, we had some old friends and some new ones over, as they had offered to pray for me. I happily accepted. My time is getting short before surgery, and that means if God is going to miraculously heal me, it will have to be soon. They arrived and prayed and I didn't get the answer I so desired. I wanted (and still want to) not have to do this. I don't want to be gone from my family for two weeks, be in intensive care, be numb. I don't want God to use the surgeon to heal my body, I want Him to just do it and spare me all the pain. As they prayed I had an overwhelming sense that God would walk me through this time, but that I would have to go through it. That He would be with me, to comfort me, but that I would need comforting. I have peace now that the surgery is the right thing, and that there is a way through it. I still don't know what exactly that will be, or what exactly that will mean, but I am not terrified or fearful like before. I am committed to listen to Him on our way through this. I am so thankful, more than ever before for Eric. We have already grown as people and as a couple. I feel newly in love with him, and have a deeper respect for him as he stands with me, and takes care of our family in ways he never had to before. So that's good, and I know that is just the start of the good things to come from this.
To wrap up this very long story, I will just say thank you to all of our friends and family, for everything you have already done to help us, and for all that lies ahead. I ask that you would continue to pray for us, specifically for my mom and her shoulder, and for my kids. I've never been gone from them like this. I know it will be hard for me, and for them. My mom is absolutely amazing, and they will be in very good hands, but please pray for them. I probably won't post again before surgery, unless something changes, but Eric will post updates while I am out, and God willing, you will hear from me very soon. Happy Thanksgiving!